LaDonna had a follow up visit today for another ultrasound. Tuesday's ultrasound did not show a heartbeat yet. Today's did not show one either. This is not looking too good at all. The doctor wants her to come back in on Monday to have another ultrasound to see if maybe he can find the heartbeat.

But, I had to post it anyway!!

I went to pick up Derek from his PPCD class at school, and his teacher says, "I'm sorry about his shoes." I said, "Huh??" She said, "They got scuffed up a little today." I told her, "That's ok, I can make him another pair." (I make him soft sole slippers out of leather scraps. They're like Robeez shoes.) She said, "They may get worn out pretty soon." I was puzzled. She kept a straight face, and said, "We had Derek in the gait trainer today." My eyebrows raised a bit, and I said, "Oh yeah?" She said, "Yeah, and without any of us pushing or guiding him, he walked about 8 feet all on his own in it."

How awesome is that!!!!!! My little guy was walking today!!!!

For those who don't know Derek's story, here is the brief version:

He was taken by emergency c-section at 28 weeks because I developed an intrauterine infection. He was in danger because I had a tear in the sac since 22 1/2 weeks. I was hospitalized for 5 weeks, sent home on strict bed rest and told to call immediately if I started running a fever. I developed a low grade fever the day he turned 28 weeks at around 11am. I was told to check it every 30 minutes and to call back if it got to 101. ,By 7pm, it was getting near 100.5, and I called the doctor and told him to get his ass to the hospital, I'm coming in. By the time I get there, get in the room, the U/S machine is rolled in and Derek was checked, it was about 9pm.The doctor told me that I had to deliver now or he would die. I said ok, prep me.

They got the operating room ready and took me in. Because of all the scare tissue from my back surgeries, the anesthesiologist didn't want to risk a spinal block. I got put under general anesthesia and don't know what happened with the birth. Marc told me that when he was brought in, I had already been cut open, Derek taken, and they were working on him to try to get him to breathe. I was still laid open. The doctor was just getting ready to close me. Marc said the smell in the room from the infection was awful.

I wasn't allowed to see Derek for several days because the surgery sent the infection straight into my blood stream. The cultures that came back showed I had e Coli and enterocaucus group d bacteria strains. With that running rampant in his system, him not wanting to breathe, a collapsed lung, necrotizing enterocolitis which needed 2 surgeries developed (the first one when he was 3 weeks old on Valentine's Day). His little body went into acidosis and he developed a Grade 3 intra ventricular hemorrhage in all ventricles. The acidosis gave him the worse brain damage, and he has dead zones in the parietal and occipital lobes.

While in the NICU, the bacteria in his system had a colony patch leave some scar tissue in his heart (which resolved on its own) and he developed stage 1 Retinopathy of Prematurity (if it got worse, he would need laser eye surgery and could possibly be blind but it did not progress). We also found out that he is severely allergic to cow's milk proteins as all formulas they tried gave him rashes and severe diarrhea and vomiting. He lost 1 lb in 36 hours because of the formula. They had to try formula because I ran out of breast milk. I was only getting an ounce combined at each pumping. I tried for 10 weeks before my tatas quit producing. He ended up on a very expensive prescription formula that I can't remember the name of but remember that a small can cost us $35 for each one. Since he didn't have a tube/button in his abdomen for feeds, insurance would not pay for oral food. Stupid insurance!!

He got to come home after a 15 week stay because I insisted that he leave. I asked for an apnea monitor and told them this is not my first rodeo with a preemie, cut him loose, he's leaving today! Yeah me, I won!

When he got his 4 months shots, 3 hours after, he started having seizures. There was no fever with them either. Over the next 8 months until we found a medicine combo that worked, he was having about 30 seizures a day. Then he went seizure free for 18 months.

Last summer, because of chronic sinus infections and drainage which we found out later was due to him being allergic to my 2 cats, he had his adenoids removed and his turbinates in his nose trimmed to open his nasal passages. Because of the swelling from the surgery or a reaction from the anesthesia, the seizures came back. They still happen daily now.

The cats were given to a new daddy, I spent months washing the walls, furniture, and everything cloth in the house, and had the carpets professionally steam cleaned 6 times, and I still steam clean the carpet twice a month with a home unit, bought a new bed, and removed the carpet and installed wood floors in the bedroom, all to get as much of the cat dander out of the house as I could.

So, the bottom line is.....he has cerebral palsy from the brain bleed and dead zones with gross muscular use, verbal, and mental developmental delays that has him at about a 6 to 9 month old level but his social development is on track, irretractable tonic clonic epilepsy with 2 episodes of status elipticus lasting more than 30 minutes (the bad one was over 3 hours), the dead spot in the occipital lobe has created intermittent cortical blindness, he sees but sometimes doesn't. It's like a light switch turning on and off. He rides around in a wheelchair when my back can't take carrying him a lot. He has 7 specialists that we see on a regular basis along with his pediatrician. He gets physical, occupational, speech, and vision therapy twice a week in addition to the daily work I do with him. I am researching stem cell injections right now and we may be traveling to either Mexico or Germany next year to try an injection to help him. I have seen the results in another child who has received 2 of these injections. It's truly amazing with the changes in her. If the shot only helps decrease his seizures, then it is worth the 6 grand for it. I've just got to save the money and wait for our turn to come up on the waiting list.

The plus side, he is the sweetest little boy. My cuddle monster. He loves to give kisses and to play. He now has a vocabulary of about 20 words but is stingy with them. He is following simple commands like pull up, stand up, raise your butt, and my favorite...give momma a kiss. I have been working with him on the walking thing for a while now. Always before, he needed help to move the gait trainers. Today was so amazing because it was his first time to do it all by himself!!!

He is my everything and more. I love this little boy with every speck of my existence and will move mountains to get him the help he needs to get better. We are closer to a major goal. I swore I would have him walking, I refused to give up when many of his doctors said it was not going to help. Every small touch of progress he does just makes me more determined. I will help him find the way to unlock his brain to release what I see fighting in him to come out.

Ok, that's enough of this epic and ongoing story. Although I could go on because he is one of my favorite things to talk about....I will give your eyes a break. If you read it all, kudos to you!!!! I hope that you all get a smile on your face from reading this. God gave me a precious gift to take care of...and I take that challenge seriously and willingly!!! Derek has made me a better person and I love him even more for that!

With this being the quick version of his story, just imagine what I have left out....

 

LaDonna called me yesterday because she just realized something. She is in an anatomy class for her nursing degree. Part of that class involves working with cadavers and being around formaldehyde. She brought up the question "Is it safe to be around these chemicals during the first trimester of a pregnancy?"

I thought that it was a great question. I don't know the answer to it so we will have to ask the RE. She sounded a little worried about it. I told her that if it could be a problem for the tots, then we can just move our transfer to December or January after her class is over. See I'm easy to please.

That class is very important to her degree plan. I would never even think about asking her to drop the class. Plus, it gives me a little more time to recoup financially. That couple of extra months will help both of us in the long run.

So, depending on what the RE says, we'll do either an October/November transfer or a December/January transfer. I know I would feel safer with the latter one and have a feeling the doctor will too.

 

Today should feel like any other day, except to me. Today my oldest son turned 17. Has it really been 17 years already? It just seems like yesterday that he was born.

For his birthday, I pulled a sneaky surprise. He has been desperately wanting a cell phone. I keep telling him no way in hell I'm getting him one. Well, 2 days ago, I went in and got a new one for me, and had my old one turned on with a new number for him. With him losing stuff in the beginning, I don't want him to lose a new phone. If he still has it in 6 months, I'll upgrade it for him but it's still a Razr phone...silver one at that...that he gets to use now.

He has been pouting a little because I came home with the new phone, Marc just got a new phone at work, and the "old" Razr was just laying there on the table doing nothing. He asked my what I'm going to do with it and I said, I don't know, probably throw it in a draw. He had no clue it was already turned on with his new number. He made a Hhmphfff sound and sulked away.

Today, after he got home from school, that phone had moved. It was now on the small table between our recliners. I asked him to sit down in the other one to fill out his paperwork to buy his class ring. He thought that was his gift. Hahaha

I had made arrangements with his girlfriend last night to call his new number at 4pm. She loved being in on the whole thing and did a great job keeping the secret.

So, James is sitting there, filling out forms, and the phone rings......

He looks at it dumbfounded. It rings again. I tell him to answer the phone. He does and looks really confused because it's Kerri telling him Happy Birthday again. He says to her but you already told me....wait....

He sets the phone down. I see the light come on in his mind. He asks me with a cracked voice..."Is this my phone? Did you really get me one?"

I start laughing and say I wondered how long it would take you to figure that out!

Needless to say he shrieked like a little girl and ran over and hugged me real tight and said about a hundred 'thank you's.

Yeah, it's good to be a mom. That why I'm going through the whole surrogacy thing so I can do this kind of stuff all over again.

 

I absolutely knew I would be right!!!

The RE's office call me this afternoon with LaDonna's biopsy test results. Just like we knew... her biopsy was clean. There is nothing wrong with her. No infection, no abnormal cells, but I never expected there to be anything wrong. Doctors just sometimes need to prove what is not there to believe what a situation could be.

So, our next step is for LaDonna to get her period. She can then start taking her meds again to prep for the next transfer which will probably be some time in November. We have authorized the doc's office to thaw out 2 more embryos. We have 4 remaining right now. LaDonna will also start taking the Dexamethasone the day of the transfer. She will take it for about 12 weeks or until the RE releases her to be cared for by her OB.

The Dexamethasone worked great for her successful surrogacy and we have been begging the doctor to go with what works for LaDonna. This time we will be the one for us!!!

I got a lovely gift from LaDonna this morning. In fact, I am wearing it right now. My husband is calling me a traitor and is telling me that he really needed a new oil rag for the garage. Said she was so thoughtful for bringing us one down just to clean up his oil spills. Silly man....

Now, on to the good stuff. We all found out today that LaDonna has a vasovagal response to Lidocaine injections. What does that mean??? Her heart rate dropped, her blood pressure dropped, she got dizzy, faint, and nauseated all at the same time and almost passed out. The look of worry on the doctor's face did not help things either. I was starting to panic a little because the doctor started calling the nurses in with blood pressure cuffs, and pulse-ox monitors. I saw just how low her bp went....it was 80 over 56 with a heart rate of 49. Ok, I was really starting to freak internally but with each successive check, her rates were rising closer to normal.

After it was all over and LaDonna was ok, one of the nurses said that I had looked as white as the walls and that maybe I would pass out too. I chuckled at that....hell yeah I was white as a ghost, but I wasn't anywhere near passing out. I was too scared that I was going to have to call her husband and explain why she was missing her flight and was staying overnight down here. Whew!!! I am sooooo glad I didn't have to make that call. I did tell the doctor that maybe I should get that Valium now to calm my nerves. She got a laugh out of that and I got no Valium. Sheez.

She felt tons better after resting a bit with her legs up, and the Lidocaine worked itself out of her system a bit. She didn't even get the Valium shot because of all of that, but the doctor did get the biopsy done just before it all happened.

Then, we headed over to Papasito's Mexican Restaurant to meet my dad for lunch. LaDonna felt much better and the doctor said that a good meal with help her feel even better.

Dad got a picture with LaDonna. LD wanted a copy to show her kiddos that she had lunch with Santa Claus. The real Santa Claus too. He has had this role every year for the last 20 years. All of mine and my brother's kids think he really is Santa, and he is....really.

I can't wait to hear what her kids have to say about this picture. Tehehehe, I'm a lucky girl to have such a famous dad!

Well, we should have the test results from today's biopsy in about a week. We will know for certain what the doctor has planned then. I say let's just get the Dexamethasone ready and prep for a transfer because they are not going to find anything wrong with LaDonna. She's perfect.... too perfect.....high immune system and all, classic over achiever, but that's a joke between us.

Here it is a little after 1am and I can't sleep. LaDonna is flying in in the morning. She will be here in about 7 hours. I am really looking forward to seeing her again. Gawd I miss her.

We have an appointment at the RE's office at 11am and both of us are going to gang up of her with a ton of questions. Hopefully we will get some solid answers.

Another bright spot about the morning....my dad is finally in town when LaDonna is down here. This will be the first time he will be able to meet her. I am really glad too. I know she's gonna love him. He is so freaking funny.

Anyway, I am going to keep my thoughts positive. Yes, we will get some answers. Yes, the next transfer will work. Yes, I will have my baby soon.

I just know deep down inside that the answer to what has happened with the other pregnancies will be solved by using the Dexamethasone. It worked for her to have Alexis, and I know it will work for us too. Little Dorian or Katherine will be growing in her tummy and will come home to us soon. We will get an expected transfer date at the appointment. It won't be an exact date, just a rough estimate.

To start with, I think that we are both a bit frustrated and irritated. Well, I know I am, and I'm pretty sure LaDonna is too.

I had the follow up appointment Tuesday with the RE. She sat down with me for about 40 minutes. We were going through my list of questions and looking up stuff in the three different 2in. thick folders that make up our chart. I asked what happened. She said that we definitely had 2 pregnancies which were most likely singletons, but that (duh, we knew this) both ended in early miscarriage. I said but why?? She said she thinks there might be a problem with LaDonna's lining being too thick or that there is a low level infection from the previous pregnancy or just some uterine irritation interfering with placenta growth.

Both transfers, her endometrial lining was at a 14. LaDonna reminded me this morning that with beautiful little Alexis, she had a 17. So, I don't know now if the doc is right about that part. I'm emailing them with more info and questions now. She wants LaDonna to come down for a Milex biopsy (yeah, I looked this up, it's a thin catheter going through the cervical opening and the specimen collector will just get what it needs from the fundal wall. It's invasive, but not supposed to be painful.) to see if there is any low level infection or uterine irritation.

I asked her about doing a fresh cycle, why can't we do that next? She said that with as easy as I got pregnant and with as great as LaDonna's test results are and with the embies coming back at 100% each time, there should be no reason why this shouldn't work, other than a med adjustment or an infection or irritation that could be cleared up with a couple of weeks of antibiotics. I asked is it possible that the FETs just aren't going to work but that a fresh would? She said this is possible.

She started digging through the charts again and was asking me about my proposed hysterectomy & ovary removal, she was looking at my pregnancy history again, and then found my blood work stuff. She had a look on her face that I was reading as concern. She also pulled out Derek's ultrasound pics and we talked about that maybe my big 5 cm blood clot was actually a vanishing twin since we did put in two embies and one of the ultrasound pictures looked like it might have a second sac in there. This has been my theory all along and I felt good that the doc was finally considering it as valid.

She didn't say it, but I am thinking now the doctor is worried about stimming me because of the cysts. It's been at the back of my mind too, but I am completely ready to give it a try. Give me the meds, and let me start shooting up. If my insides mess up, oh well, they were going to be taken anyway. Just do it long enough to get the eggs and then gut me like a fish. It's win-win to me.

Next, I said since she is pretty insistent for us to try one more FET, can we please have the Dexamethasone that LaDonna took and had success with her surro-daughter? The RE said of course, she will prescribe it this time! Yay!!! I won one! I then asked about discontinuing the Lovenox since it was being so mean to LaDonna (I don't like her hurting like she was with it) or maybe switching to Heparin. She said that because my blood clotting disorder can carry to the embies, she thinks LaDonna should have it. Also, Heparin would be worse because it can sting just as bad and would be 2 times a day shots. Ok, bad idea on the switch. Sorry LaDonna, I tried.

So, now we wait.....again. April (the scheduler) is out of the office today but will be in tomorrow. LaDonna says that Sept 7 or 10th are good for her to fly down. I will try to get her an appointment on one of those days and then get her some plane tickets. Upside, I get to spend the day with her!!

If we take the biopsy, possible couple of weeks of antibiotics, and prep for cycle all into consideration, we could be looking at a late October early November transfer. I was afraid that this time frame would be a conflict for LaDonna, but she said it might be best that a baby is due during the summer so there is no college classes to deal with. Whew! I am relieved that it won't interfere with her classes, but still a little worried about her being very uncomfortably pregnant for summer. I guess we'll find out for certain soon enough.

Well, that's about all for right now. I took James to the high school to p/u his schedule and books earlier (My God, is he really a junior in high school already??) and I am going to head into downtown to the medical center to pick up a copy of Derek's Zonegran prescription. I think I will stop at a medical book store and see if I can find some books about endometrial linings as they pertain to IVF. Looks like I have some more research and reading to do.

Happily putting on my bookworm goggles.... I wonder if all this research could count towards a medical degree.......hmmm, might have to look into that too.

After spending most of the day down in Galveston getting a reflux study done for Derek, I got home around 3pm and maybe 20 minutes later, the RE's office called me. Being ever so optimistic, and I absolutely love her for it, LaDonna had gone in today for the third beta test. Just in case the other one was a mistake.

Sadly, it wasn't a mistake. Today's final and official beta test numbers are 3.5, so she should be getting her period in the next couple of days.

When the nurse called me to tell me that the test was negative, I kind of stopped her in mid sentence to tell her that we both knew what happened already and I had emailed Cindy all about it with the test results. She seemed speechless and dumbfounded. She said how could we know already because she just got the test results in and I was the first person she called. I almost chuckled at her. Cindy had not told her about us....about how much we are on the ball and in charge of everything that is going on. I explained to her about the early betas, the results, and that we knew the pregnancy was not going to continue since Monday. She still seemed a bit surprised. I guess that not all the patients at that office are as medically savvy as we are. There are always other ways to get tests done when your doctor wants to wait.

After, getting that nurse up to speed with us, she transferred me over to scheduling. I have my follow up appointment so I can have a very important sit down the the doctor. I do have to wait until next week, but Tuesday is not that far away. I am working on a nice list of questions to take in with me along with some research print outs so I don't forget to ask something.

I would like to take a moment to thank every one who sent me a private email or posted their comment on my blog. I am extremely appreciative for every kind word and prayer. The warmth and caring I felt come through those simple lines of text mean a lot to me. Knowing how much you care can help lift fallen spirits and mine have risen.

Most importantly, thank you LaDonna. Even though you are several hundred miles away, you feel like you are right here next to me. Thank you for being there with me through all of this. Thank you for everything you have done so far and for all you have yet to do. You are truly an amazing woman and a beautiful soul. Huge hugs to you lady!!

LaDonna called me this morning with the test results. Just as we figured, the news is not good. The second beta results are 18. This definitely confirms that we had another chemical pregnancy. (Which only means that there wasn't an ultrasound to confirm a heartbeat, it was still a pregnancy.) I don't even see a reason to ask her to take the "official" test on tomorrow. It will just add to the bad news.

I don't know why this time is hitting me so much harder than the last cycle. I knew that this could happen again. Maybe it is because I am seeing so many of my friends having their easy pregnancies. I have two neighbors (one on either side of my house) that are both pregnant right now and are getting ready to deliver in the next couple of weeks. I have several friends that have had successful transfers and are waiting for their babies to be born in several months. I keep getting announcements from my quilting guild sisters that their daughters are pregnant and they will be grandmothers soon or the baby was just born.

This is not fair!!!!! Why am I the one that has it so hard???

Now, I hear my parent's voices in my head...."Life is not meant to be fair, sweetie. Life is hard and can sometimes be difficult to deal with. But, this is why you are such a strong person....so you can deal with what is thrown your way. God won't give you anything you can't handle."

Sigh.....so I sent an email to the RE coordinator this morning. I bombarded her with a ton of questions. I might get some answers later today, or tomorrow, or whenever. I guess that I am in limbo at this time.

Some of the questions I asked are:
 

• What could be making them start to grow and then stop after 10 days?
   
• Is it damage because of freezing?
   
• Or is it that some women don't do well with frozen embryos?
• What is your opinion for what we should do next?
   

My heart is aching and screaming at me to try again to carry by myself. I know I could get pregnant. Just tell the doctor to put the next two in me. Use the rest of the savings to hire a nurse to care for Derek and stay in bed for the entire pregnancy. It's only a few months in the grand scheme of things. It's only a few months. I can do this....

The reality of it is that my mind knows that this will not happen. No matter how much in my heart I want to feel my child growing inside of me, to feel the wiggles and kicks, to know when they have the hiccups, to have the most intimate of closeness. It will not be so. I am too scared of having another micro preemie, especially with what happened to Derek. Knowing that with each pregnancy, I would most likely deliver earlier than the last. James was at 30 weeks, Derek was at 28 weeks. It would be cruel to selfishly try to carry with this trend happening. The baby would most likely come earlier than 28 weeks.

Knowing what I know now about the harm that can happen to a child born that early, I would never NEVER inflict that kind of hardship on my child on purpose just to satisfy my desires to have a baby. Plus, now I have the added concerns from having a C-section last time and the growth of fibroid tumors. There is a big possibility of uterine rupture which might cause my death.

It is a chance that I am not willing to take. I have to be here for my boys that I have in front of me now and not dwell on the "who could be" from my body. This is why I know I have to go through this with a surrogate, but is it fair to her to ask her to try another FET?

I guess I just have to put it back in the hands of the doctor. I have a feeling I know what she will be suggesting. The whole reason I didn't go through with having my hysterectomy was just in case I needed to do a fresh cycle, I would be able to do it. The doctor will probably tell me to gear up for a fresh cycle. A whole new set of worries will come into play, like what do we do if we end up with another 8 embryos that could be frozen? Add those to the four we still have now?

Maybe I am feeling so overwhelmed this time because the doctor put me on extra hormones to stop the cysts from forming on my ovaries. She did say it could wreck my emotions and make me all hormonal. I definitely feel wrecked right now.

Today's HPTs are coming up negative. The doctor's office tried to call with the results, but she missed the call. They wouldn't leave the information as a message.

I'm not having a good feeling about this at all. In fact, I've spent the last 2 hours crying.

I know it is not for certain with out the official blood test, but I don't think the 2 different kinds of HPTs are lying.

I am beginning to wonder if it is just not meant to be......

I couldn't make it all weekend. I tried, but by Saturday afternoon, I had broke down already...... I sent LaDonna an email begging her to go pee on another test. I am so weak. There is only a few more days until our official beta test, and she went in this morning for the second early beta test. I should get the test results back tomorrow, just in time to get ready for her to be stuck again on Wednesday.

Anywho, the results of the HPT tests over the weekend are still positive. The lines are slowly getting darker. It helped me calm down a lot. So much so that I didn't harass her on Sunday to pee on another one.



The picture with the Equate tests is a little hard to see here, but the lines are there. I can see them in the originals that she emailed me. The three day difference really shows in the bigger version.

Deep breath, in.....out....in....out.....ahhhhh. I feel better now. Wait, why hasn't that stupid lab called with the blood results yet. They've had ALL day to do the test since she did go in to get stuck early this morning. Sheesh....I guess I get to bit my nails to the nub a little more until I get the call tomorrow.

Oh yeah, LaDonna and I have so much more in common than I could have ever thought. I know just how nutso I am, but am starting to truly understand the level of nutso in LaDonna.

Last night, I took a break from quilting a client quilt to get Derek to go to sleep (he fights going to bed so hard because he might miss something). So, what do I usually do when trying to get him to sleep? I read my email. I got a very interesting email from her last night. She said she had officially lost her mind in her little HPT addiction. I had to wonder....what could she possibly be doing now with those tests?

To make sure that the line she was seeing on the tests she had taken already was really there, she had her poor hubby pee in a cup for her to test him. Well, thank God, David's not pregnant!!! That proved to her that she really is getting positive pregnancy tests. Also, the new test for her has a bit of a darker line. Another good sign!!!

I just love her for it!!! I completely "get" her with this. Ok, I'll admit it too, if I was in the same boat, Marc would be peeing in a cup for me to test him too. You have to love your man even more if he will go through that kind of indignity for you.

It's the little things like this that make me feel even more comfortable with the lady I chose to carry my baby. I know that my little one(s) will be exposed to the same level of crazy that he/she will get at home. Anyone that knows me and has been around me knows that there is not too much that can be called normal about me and that I have a pretty twisted sense of humor.

But, that's why I like being this way..... normal is boring.

Here are the results of the first pregnancy test that LaDonna took today. The faint second line is the first sign of a positive pregnancy test!



OMG, she just sent me another picture. This time it is a digital Clear Blue Easy test.


We still have 8 days to go for the official pregnancy test on Aug 15th.

Keep your fingers crossed that the line keeps getting darker and the blood work is good this time.

My mom wasn't able to babysit Derek today, so Marc had to stay home and miss this one. I felt a bit guilty about it but we couldn't help it. We never got a phone call from Todd, the embryologist, so I assumed that all was good with the embies. They told us that if one or two of them didn't make it, they would call for permission to thaw out two more.

I stopped and got breakfast at Jack in the Box - breakfast burritos and orange juice. I also remembered her asking me what a kolache was last time, so I stopped and picked up 2 sausage-jalapeño-cheese kolaches for her to try out from The Kolache Factory. For those that don't know what a kolache is, it is a Texas Czechoslovakian, yeast based, lightly sweetened dough that has a filling of cheese, meat, or fruit. The local favorite around Houston is the sausage-jalapeño-cheese kolache. It reminds me a bit of the old pigs in a blanket that my mom used to make out of Little Smokies and biscuits, but these are a lot bigger and soooo much tastier.

After eating in her room and watching a little "Saved By The Bell" on tv, we made the 3 minute trip to the doctor's office. We arrived at Dr. S's office at 7:10am for our 7:30am appointment. We waited around for about 30 minutes because 2 other people had checked in before us. The nurse called us back to the prep room to get ready. Then we got to do a little more waiting around....which was frustrating. Don't they realize that we were getting pretty impatient by then? I even tried the trick of opening the room door and standing in the doorway as a big hint that we are STILL waiting. It didn't work.

The doctor finally comes in to give us the embryo report. All of them were frozen at the 5 day blastocyst stage. They thawed the one vial with two embryos that are grade 3AA and hatching with 100% re-expansion and no cell loss or degradation. The embryos made the thaw perfectly. This means we still have 4 more totsicles remaining. I am very proud that our little ones are waking back up like champs. I just hope the Embryo Glue helps them hang in there better.

A few minutes later, Melody (the nurse) comes in with our lovely slippers, beautiful hats, and LaDonna's designer gown which had snowflakes printed all over it......snort. At least we didn't have to wear the full blown hazardous waste looking jump suits. We still had a little bit of dignity.

She escorted us to the procedure room. LaDonna gets settled on the reclining table. Paper drapes were laid down over her. Her bladder is checked with the ultrasound machine and the doctor started her IV to get blood. I then hear LaDonna say "Whoa..." and I look over to see her eyes getting a bit fuzzy. Yep, you guessed it, the doctor slipped in the Valium already. It's like getting a pitcher of margaritas all at once. Then Dr. S tells Todd that she is ready, bring "them" in. I started the camera rolling.

Todd brought in the catheter, and handed them over to Dr. S. She gently slid them into place to get all cozy in LaDonna. We waited the few more seconds for Todd to verify they are out of the catheter, which he did. And it was all over. We had to wait for another hour before LaDonna could get up and we could leave.

I took her back to her hotel room so she can settle in for a nice long nap. I asked her to call me when she gets up and I will come get for for lunch and more resting at my house.

Now the dreaded 2 week wait begins. Our official beta pregnancy test is scheduled for August 16. So the question now is, do we get an early beta test or wait? Do we get HPTs and have a pee fest or wait? Hmmmmm.....I guess we'll see in a few days.

All we have been doing lately is waiting...Waiting for August 1st to get here. I will pick up LaDonna from the airport on the first. As long as everything keeps going well, we will have the transfer Thursday morning. I am really excited about it. I hope the Embryo Glue that the doctor is going to use this time works. From what I read about it, it sounds very promising.

Do you know how slow a clock moves when it is being watched? Well try watching a calendar.

I got my test results. But first, a little about what this test does.

By measuring the levels of the FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) in a woman's blood on day 3 of her cycle, the doctor can tell if her ovaries are still able to produce eggs or if she is starting menopause. This chart will explain the levels a bit more. The unit of measure is mIU/ml.

 

Anyway, my levels were 10.5 mIU/ml which is still very good. Whew! Boy is that relaxing. I'm still making eggs. I suddenly feel like a chicken.....


Chart courtesy of http://www.advancedfertility.com/day3fsh.htm

 

Friday, July 13, 2007

I ran, well drove duh, down to Dr S's office to get some blood work done early this morning. They are checking my FSH levels to see if I could still do an egg retrieval (even though we won't need to because LaDonna IS getting pregnant Aug 2) or if I should go ahead and schedule my hysterectomy if the levels are too high.

They also put me on Aygestin pills instead of Lupron shots to stop the cysts from happening while I wait for the surgery or a cycle, don't know which at this time. I have never taken it before. I looked Aygestin up on the web, which is a very handy resource to have. I read on the website something that raised my eyebrows. It said, "Avoid it if you have ever had a blood clotting disorder or a stroke."

So I hear warning bells knowing that I am MTHFR homozygous. I called Cindy (at Dr. S's) and can you believe it, she answered the phone!!!! OMG no voice mail, and I had to harass her about that. She said that almost all hormone meds have that warning and that if I am worried, I can take a low dose aspirin with it. I think I'm going with the aspirin, just in case.

I also asked her to email me the tests results since we won't be home. I am taking the boys to go see Harry Potter. I should know something later in the day if I still have my backup plan. Wish me good luck!

 

I just had my little world rocked. I went to my appointment with Dr. S. We are all good to go for the next transfer. If she, starts her Lupron on July 12th, we will be good to go for an August 1 or 2 transfer. We have to wait for Cindy, the cycle coordinator, to send us the new official calendar and to call in some replacement meds.

Now, you ask....what rocked my world??

Well, let me tell you. I told the doctor again that my hysterectomy/ovary removal surgery is getting close....2 weeks away, and wanted to make sure how she felt about that. Cindy had thought that because of my age, 37, I would be too old for an egg retrieval. Dr. S said that I am NOT too old and that she was so glad that I reminded her about the surgery. She wants me to cancel it for now. I will go on Lupron to suppress ovulation, which will stop me from getting any more cysts. I will go in to see Dr. S again when my period starts to have a bunch of baseline hormone levels checked and will stay on Lupron for as long as I need to be.

The reason for all this when my OB/GYN was going to leave an ovary???? It is because there is a high chance that the blood supply to the remaining ovary will be compromised during the surgery and can cause it to fail. This is a risk I don't want to take just in case I need to do a fresh cycle to get fresh embryos.

Every good side has a down side, and here is this one. If we do have to go with a fresh cycle, then I am going to be hurting. I will go on ovary stimulating hormones to make lots of eggs ready for retrieval. Knowing that the right ovary already develops cysts during ovulation, I could be looking at a shit load of cysts on that side. But, this is ok, I have a heating pad, a deep garden style tub with whirlpool jets, and a high tolerance to pain. If I survived all those nasty back surgeries, I can do this standing on my head while singing the national anthem. LOL. Plus, I can take a bunch of Vicodin after the retrieval. Oh, and I'll get a lovely IV Valium shot for retrieval. That's something really good to look forward to.....hehehe.

We still have 6 embryos waiting and hopefully this next cycle works. Any way it goes, they are not gutting me until LaDonna is good and pregnant. (No pressure sweetie!! Love you and huge hugs!!!)

 

My friend Natasha had her embie transfer this weekend. I am saying extra prayers that all goes smoothly for them. Lot's of sticky embie vibes heading their way. I got to hang out for a little at her house with her and her GS, Kerri, Kerri's adorable son, and a whole bunch of other wonderful ladies from the Houston area that are also surrogates.

We all try to get together once a month to have lunch and this month was at Nat's house. I love visiting with them. This is some the most caring and giving bunch of ladies you could ever know. I completely adore them all!

I will go see Dr. S tomorrow to get our ball rolling again. So, I will post again tomorrow. I will find out the new time schedule and order LaDonna's new meds. I wish she was here to go with me. I miss hanging out with her. I feel so comfortable with her, like I've known her forever.

Meanwhile, I am kicked back at la casa with a heating pad on my tummy. I think another cyst burst today. I felt that same sharp pain again and the burning ache is back. Damn, I can't wait for my surgery.... 16 more days!!!

Warning - - - - Shameless Raffle Ticket Sales Plug Ahead
Just in case you're interested, this year's raffle quilt for the quilt guild I'm in is ready and we are now selling tickets for it. There are pictures on the website of the quilt. http://www.gulfcoastquilters.org/raffle.htm
Pop me an email if you'd like to get some tickets. pamela@sharks-bite.com

 

I got a call from the hospital trying to pre-register me for my surgery on the 10th. I could have sworn that my surgery date was the 12th. I had to pull out my paperwork and re-look.....yep, it's scheduled for July 10th. Sheesh...where's my brain?

So it looks like I'll be going under the knife July 10th and staying in the hospital until the 12th. I've been told that the recovery time is about 3 weeks from this surgery. I am glad I have plenty of time to heal a bit before our next transfer and the upcoming retreat.

I called the doctor's office and got an appointment for post cycle. It is set for Monday the 25th. After getting off the phone with them, I thought I should call back to clarify our intentions. I got through to Cindy (the cycle manager) and told her we want to gear up for the next cycle and I wanted her to have that heads up before coming in next week. I don't like wasting time, mine or the doctors. During our little talk, I asked her when did she think we might be able to transfer again. She said she would add it to the list of things to talk to the doctor about. I also told her that she's not allowed to go on vacation again until we have our positive beta test. She got a chuckle out of that.

A couple of hours later, Cindy calls back to tell me that the doctor says another cycle can happen soon. She wants LaDonna to go back on birth control pills as of this coming Sunday. This will help regulate her periods so we can start meds again. The first day of her next period (after this current one) will be considered cycle day one. The doctor will talk to me more on Monday about any changes that may be made to the protocol. They might add in a blood thinner to help the embies implant a bit easier.

She will start her cycle meds again, and we should be able to transfer 10 days later. So, the tentative calendar looks like our second try will be in the last week of July. This is totally amazing to me!!!

That will be an incredible week for me. Not only will we get LaDonna "knocked up" around July 30th, but I will get to unwind myself the weekend following. The Gulf Coast Quilter's Guild is having a quilting retreat August 3-5. Woohoo!!! A 3 day mini vacation with 35 women and their sewing machines. To a quilting junkie, it's a little piece of heaven.

I will be heading to the airport in a couple of hours to pick LaDonna up. Wow!!! We are sooo close now. My heart is racing.

I just thought I'd show off the lap quilt that I made real special just for LaDonna. Her favorite football team is the Boomer Sooners. Anyone who knows her, knows she is Sooner crazy. This quilt was made with that in mind. Love you girl!! Can't wait to see your smile when I give it to you at the airport.

Did you realize that without your love, devotion, and determination than many of us would never experience the wonder of looking into our child’s beautiful eyes. We would never get to hear the squeals of delight on Christmas morning. Never be able to kiss away a boo boo or wipe precious tears from their face. We would never know the joy of watching our baby sleep or drink in the freshness of a newborn’s smell. Never......

Without victorious women like you, our homes would be filled with the echoes of silence. Our heart would ache on holidays for what we have not. Our gut wretched in pain on Mother’s Day for what could not be. Drowning in our tears of sorrow while our mouths cursed our bodies for failing us. Grief, unimaginable and all consuming. Grief......

It is because of the great strength women like you possess, we are able to hear the most wonderful words in the world, Mommy & Daddy. It is because of the courage you all have, that brings us the greatest joys in life. You give us the gift of a life time, a child. A life time.....

Though you may never hear or very rarely know, that each and every day in some way, Former Intended Parents (FIPs) do say a “thank you” in some form even if it never escapes our lips. Trust me, I know this to be true. Inside our hearts is a daily renewing of the precious gift of life you gave to us. I stand in awe and amazement at the depth of your unselfishness, strength and resoluteness. Powerful......

Truly you give a love that knows no boundaries. Everlasting......

Well, the first appointment for my hysterectomy surgery was unavailable. Looks like I have to wait until July 10. That's okay anyway, because I'm in no rush to have this done. I know it needs to be done soon, but I'm not looking forward to being in pain. I am thankful that I will have plenty of time to heal before a potential baby delivery.

Speaking of potential babies, a package arrived yesterday. I had ordered some new TOSS shirts...one green for me and one green for LaDonna. They will be nice and comfy lounge wear for next weekend. For those who are wondering "What the heck is TOSS?", it stands for Texas Oklahoma Surrogacy Support. It is a private Yahoo message board for future, present and past intended mothers, surrogates, and egg donors. They are a tight knit and wonderful group of ladies who have become very close friends to me. As you can guess from the name, we are all from either Texas or Oklahoma in that group.

Wow, only four more days until I pick LaDonna up at the airport and only five more days until the transfer.

I am planning on taking my camera with me. It has a setting that will take short video clips. Hopefully I can get some good footage of the transfer. If I do, I will load it on here. I will also take still photos which will definitely be here.

Until then, time continues to fly......

I just got my test results from my OB/Gyn's office. I know I put off getting a follow up ultrasound and should have done it sooner. Anywhoo.... The cyst on my right ovary has grown from 44cc volume to 62cc in 2 months. There was also a little internal bleeding and some fluid in the abdominal cavity. The second cyst on that ovary has burst. The golf ball sized fibroids have gotten a little bigger too. Everything is squishing around in there and has now completely hidden my left ovary. Since the pain is still just a little uncomfortable and not extreme, I scheduled my surgery for June 21 so I have plenty of time for the transfer and betas!!! If the OR can't get me in that day, the back up day is July 10. Of course, they will move it up if need be, like the other cyst bursting or if it starts hurting a lot.

So, all in all, I get to have a hysterectomy and my right ovary removed along with a abdominal cavity cleanup to get the debris out from the ruptured cyst. The doc said I wouldn't need hormones because my left ovary will still be there and just fine.

The bonus to all of this.....no more periods, no more huge clots (aack TMI), no more period induced anemia, no more menstrual migraines, no more stomach churning cramps, and did I mention no more periods?!?!

Who would think that a simple whoosh-whoosh-whoosh sound could be so comforting? I know for a fact that it can.

When I was pregnant with Derek and started the heavy bleeding at 6 weeks, I thought I had lost him like so many before him. It's a very scary, dark, and depressing feeling. Because I was put on bedrest from that point until he arrived at 28 weeks, I spent a lot of time on my laptop computer. One of my biggest obsessions was reading about pregnancy stuff. Around 9 weeks, I saw a site that rented fetal heart monitors for a measly $25 a month. Well, I couldn't type fast enough to order it and it seemed like the post office was running slower than usual to deliver it. It was almost 2 weeks later that it arrived.

These little devices are real easy to use. They are just like the ones used at OB offices. Simply squirt gel on your tummy, flip the switch on the doppler unit, slowly move the wand over your tummy in the gel. When you find the baby's heartbeat, it is fast and makes a whoosh-whoosh-whoosh sound. That is the most incredibly comforting sound in the world when you are scared senseless that you are losing another child. It alone kept me sane when Marc was at work and James was at school. Six to eight hours a day stuck in a bed with only a remote for the tv and a laptop to keep you company gives the imagination too much time to think. It helped keep me calm. Stress can increase the chance of miscarriage.

I also was able to tell my brother and sister-in-law that Yes! they were pregnant. She thought she was but couldn't get to the doctor for another couple of days. I used the monitor on her and I found little Tristan's heartbeat for her and watched my brother cry, but in a good way.

Anywho, LaDonna emailed me to say that on a 'for sale' group that she's a part of, there was a fetal heart monitor for sale at the very low price of $150. Well of course I instantly jumped on that since I could own one for the same price as a rental. I emailed the lady who was selling it. She wrote back about an hour later saying it was still available and that yes, she accepts Paypal payments. So, I paid for the monitor via the internet (gotta love technology!) and LaDonna drove over to the lady's house to pick it up.

LaDonna is now all set to keep me sane. I can call her anytime I need a heartbeat fix or I can listen when I go up there for a visit. This will help me feel closer since she and the baby will be 8 hours away (7 if you drive like I do). Now, we just need to get her pregnant!!!!

11 more days to go until we transfer!!!

LaDonna called me earlier to tell me that she had her actual cycle baseline sonogram and had her E2 levels checked. Everything looks great!! This cycle is a definite go! Count down to June 1st continues. We have only 2 weeks and 4 days to go!

What is Lupron?

• Lupron is related to a naturally occurring hormone called gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH). GnRH influences the release of the hormones testosterone and estrogen in the body.

Reproductive Endocrinologists use Lupron as part of an InVitroFertilization medication protocol. For the role it plays with us, Lupron is used to reduce the amount of estrogen and testosterone in LaDonna's body. This decrease in estrogen production will prevent ovulation. She will get additional estrogen at the right time to get her ready, but for right now, the doctor does not want her to ovulate. It helps assure that any embryos that start growing will be ours and also to make sure that no harm would come to hers if she was pregnant. Because, she can't get pregnant is she doesn't ovulate. Those doctors are pretty slick, huh?!?

A lot of women who have taken or are currently taking Lupron know that it can knock you for a loop with headaches and mood swings. When I had to take it to get ready for an IVF cycle when I got pregnant with Derek, it gave me some bad headaches and damn, was I bitchy. LaDonna says she is one of the lucky ones that doesn't get bad headaches with it, she just get hot flashes. If it's not one annoying thing...it's another. Sigh.....

Anyway, all this means is that we are right on track for our upcoming transfer. Yah!!!!!!

She hasn't been gone long and we're missing her already.

So, on to the good stuff...... we have a green light!!!!! We had our end of the mock cycle appointment today. They needed to check to see if LaDonna's uterus gets a nice thick and cushy endometrial lining for the embryos to try and attach to and to make sure the hormone levels are optimum with the prescribed amounts. It looks like our transfer date is June 1st!!! OMG, I'm still all jell-o inside. The doctor and all the nurses said LaDonna has a beautiful fluffy uterus and her E2 numbers were fabulous!

I didn't know if LaDonna would need privacy for the exams and was elated when she said I could stay. I had the pleasure of staying during the ultrasound and test transfer. I got to see things on the ultrasound machine screen that were fascinating. Did you know that you can actually see urine going into a bladder? I didn't know that. Thank you for letting me stay LaDonna. I'm sorry they had itchy paper gowns. :(

Major HUGE hugs to you!!!!!

Now, the fun stuff gets even better. She will start taking the meds that will get her ready for the actual transfer. She will go through a period and build up another nice fluffy lining for my little one(s) to get nice and cozy on. I believe our game plan is for her family to come down with her a day or so before to get situated....plus we can all go site seeing. Then after the transfer, LaDonna gets to kick back at the hotel for the day and day after and get spoiled completely rotten before she goes back home.

List of hotels nearby.....check.
List of restaurants that deliver.....check.
Location of Godiva chocolate store....check.

I think we're ready to make a baby!!!

Just a short note this time, because my quilt frame is calling my name. I have 3 quilts to go finish.

We have an appointment. It is May 1st. I bought the plane tickets today, so LaDonna is all set to come done for the final testing. Yahh!!!!!

 

We are ready to get this show on the road. LaDonna emailed me tonight to tell me her period started. Normally women dread "Aunt Flo" coming for a visit, but in this instance...it's wonderful. This means that our mock cycle is officially starting. She will start the meds in a couple of days to help her uterus get a nice fluffy lining. Then I get to fly her down her for our reproductive endocrinologist to do an ultrasound and a test transfer. They will do the test transfer to make sure they have the right sized transfer tube when the day comes to put the embryos into her.

Speaking of that, I was asked by a few friends about how many I was going to transfer. We have talked with LaDonna and the doctor about this. I am only comfortable with transferring 2 embryos. I don't want to put LaDonna or the babies at risk if we did any more that that. Besides, the usual outcome of transferring 2 embryos is 1 healthy child. That's what happened when we were blessed with Derek. If we are blessed with both of them surviving, then I will truly be blessed a little more than I already am.

It was so cute because she sounded worried. I got a phone call earlier on the house phone....because this morning the cell phone was almost dead and doing that extremely annoying beep every few minutes. You would think that a sensible person would have just plugged in the charger, but nope, I turned it off. Only because I had stayed up until 4am last night designing the website for the quilt guild I am in. It is in a preliminary state since I am waiting for more pictures and member info, otherwise I would post the link. Also, some of the guild members may read on here and I want the design to be a surprise....so they gotta wait too.

LaDonna went in for a follow up ultrasound today at her OB/Gyn office. It was to make sure that the birth control therapy worked to shrink the ovarian cyst. Good news for us! It worked. Now we are waiting for her period to start so on a certain day, she can start the mock cycle meds. Looks like we are going to have that May 31st transfer... as long as everything keeps on track.

I am looking forward to flying her back down here in a couple of weeks. And, I found out that there is a really big quilt store up there near her, so maybe I'll get the chance to pop in there the next time I go up to see her.

I had such a spectacular visit with LaDonna Thursday! I picked her up at the airport, we went to have breakfast, and then off to the RE's office for blood work and to pick up meds. My RE has just moved to her new location so this was a first for both of us, seeing the new digs. The new office is really nice!! and so much roomier that the old location. I did question if they had moved the cryo-storage containers yet. I was curious if they used ambulance transport. I was told that the frozen embryos have not been moved yet. They want to have the new facility running smooth for 30 days before they transfer them to the new location. Whew!!! I love that they are very cautious. We did get a tentative schedule for when we will transfer. It depends on if LaDonna's mock cycle goes well. The possible transfer day might be May 31st! That would give us a February 17th due date. I think that this is a good sign. We took contracts to LaDonna and her hubby this past February 17th.

After that, it was time to go see my messy house. I almost ran around like a mad woman the day before to try and clean up, but then thought.....no, a pristine house is not us. I wanted LaDonna to see the real us. So mess and all, we went there for the grand tour and to pick Derek up to take him to school. He was having a nice visit with his Nana. After giving him his bath and getting him dressed, it was time to head off for school. We dropped him off at school, Nana was with us now, and headed down to Kemah to have lunch at The Cadillac Grill. Mexican food and margaritas on the patio-----would have been perfect if the seagulls weren't so pesky. They even had a guy taking pictures....kinda tourist-y if you ask me. He gave me a card with a web address to buy my pic from, but wouldn't you know it... I lost the card.

After the long leisurely lunch (which was fabulous) and the drive back, it was time to pick Derek back up from school. We went back to my house for the last little bit of time before I had to take LaDonna back to the airport. I had scheduled her a 4:55pm flight back so she would have plenty of time to unwind with her family and not get in too late. Poor baby was looking tired from the whirlwind day already so I was glad she could get home early to rest.

A common affliction for women is the ovarian cyst. This little bubble of fluid that builds up around a follicle has thrown a small kink into our plans. Even though they are very common and most of them shrink and disappear on their own within 2 months, we are being put on a holding pattern. LaDonna went in for her baseline ultrasound at her OB's office and they found a cyst. They are going to put her on birth control pills to help speed up the shrinkage. What all this ultimately means is that our test date of April 5th for the mock transfer and hystersonogram are put on hold until the cyst resolves. So, she will get another baseline ultrasound next month to see if it is gone and we will start then. If it takes 2 months for it to go away, then we will be back on the original track of a June test/July transfer.

I asked LaDonna if she still wants to come down to visit that day anyway. It's selfish, I know, but darn it, I want to spend time with her. I can always buy another plane ticket for later. Plus, Cindy at the RE's office said we could still come in for blood work and to sign all the consents. Thankfully, LaDonna said yes! Yippee! So, she is still flying down for the visit but not for the full barrage of tests. Just means there will be more time for fun stuff.

At least now, we won't have to worry about the baby's due date being in the middle of winter. Back in January, we tried to drive up to visit LaDonna and the ice storms kept us away. With the due date potentially in Spring now, we wouldn't have to worry about that any more. This is a good thing. Plus, my mom is still cheer leading for a due date of April 17th....her birthday. Grandmothers.....good grief. Gotta love 'em anyway.

Have you ever had a day that most of your day was spent playing phone tag? Well, I had one of those today. It started this morning with the billing department of the RE's office (Sabrina) calling me to tell me what the total charges on our account would be. She about floored me when she told me there was going to be an additional $1700 for some blood work that is not included in our contract. WTF??!!?? So, the game of tag began.....

I called our coordinator, Cindy, and got her voice mail. She called me back about 20 minutes later and told me the specifics of that test. It's a test to check for a blood clotting disorder. I asked if it was ok to see if I can find a lab that was less expensive. She said yes. Click....next call.

I called Sabrina back and told her to wait on totaling our bill. She was okay with that and said to let her know what to total when I am ready. Click....next call. Well, actually an email.

I wrote to LaDonna to let her know what was up and to be prepared for some extra needle sticks for blood work. I let her know everything that is going on....most of it has been good stuff...this was not so good but wasn't totally bad. I hope it doesn't freak her out because if she needs the test, then I will get it for her...no problems. Click and send.

I started calling local laboratories to find a better rate and found Baylor College of Medicine did have a better rate by $350. The lady there suggested that I check with the labs up in OKC to see if 1.) it would be more convenient for LaDonna, and 2.) it might be cheaper. Click...next call.

I called OU Medical Center (the round about way through 3 other clinics in the greater Oklahoma City area) and got through to the lab there. A very nice lady there said yes, they can do all the tests required and for about $600 less. Bingo! We have a winner. I asked her about payment arrangements and wouldn't you know it, that person was out to lunch. So, I had to leave her a voice mail. Tag you're it! Click....

When I was getting off the phone with them, I get a lovely email back from LaDonna. She believes that she has already had these tests and will call her doctor to verify. Good news indeed. Off to make another call.

I call Cindy back to give her the update and of course get her voice mail. Doesn't anyone answer the phone any more? Click.....

Then I call Sabrina, who is only a couple of offices away from Cindy, and what do you know....I get her voice mail too. Sigh....another tag... Well, it's time to take James to the dentist anyway.

While at the dentist office, LaDonna calls me and tells me that yes, she had those tests and her doc will fax them down. Is she a life saver or what? I just love this girl!

By the time I get home, I know it's too late to catch the ladies at the RE's office or at the OU Med Center lab, so I guess the game of tag will continue tomorrow. At least it is Marc's day off and he can help me answer the phone or play with Derek so I can talk.

Part of the surrogacy process is to have psychological testing. The psychologist does a personality profile test called a MMPI (what that stands for? I have no idea). It basically says whether or not you are mentally ready to go through the surrogacy process.

Most reproductive endocrinologist's require these tests when there is a surrogate involved. My doctor is no different. Their office (I was talking with Cindy again) was setting up that appointment for us when I pointed out to her that the doctor said since LaDonna was a "proven" surrogate, she wouldn't have to do this. Cindy said she needed to verify that which is completely understandable. I mean, don't just take my word for it.

Fast forward a few hours, Cindy calls me back to say, yes, we can waive that test but only if LaDonna had done it previously and could get a copy of the results. Well, guess who is requesting paperwork right now. She is getting it faxed over to my doc's office as soon as possible. Whew!

Now I get to spend more time with LaDonna, doing fun stuff instead of sitting in a psych office the day she comes down. Nothing against the psychiatric professional community, but I get the creeps being in their offices. The ability to tell someone they are insane is a strong power to have. Thank God they have never told me I'm insane.... a few friends and my teen son have, but they don't count.

I bought a lovely pair of round trip tickets today for LaDonna to fly down here in the first part of April. She will be coming down for her preliminary testing at my doctor's office. This the first major step towards reaching our goal of having another baby. Plus, I get to spend almost all day with her. We can go out to eat at a nice place, see the doc, do a little shopping, and a lot visiting. I wish I could have her stay a couple of days.

One step closer to getting her pregnant. Woohoo!

I have been soooo sick the last 2 weeks. Man, the flu bug really kicked my ass. I came down with it first here at home. I felt achy all over, my throat was raw, I was coughing, I had a fever, and I still had to take care of Derek. I was really hoping that his flu shot would keep him from catching it. No such luck.

About a week after I started showing symptoms, Derek started doing the same thing. Poor little guy. I finally started feeling better and now he's sick. But, this was not to last long. 3 days later, I felt awful again. Relapse city.

I am finally feeling all better now. Derek is still coughing a little but no fevers for 4 days now. Great things for James though....here he is on spring break this week and now he is showing signs of getting sick. He's such a strong kiddo though that he will most likely get over it in 2 days. That's how he always is.

Anyway, we are still waiting for "Aunt Flo" to come around again for LaDonna. I have made arrangements for my RE's office to order her medications and pay for them with my credit card. That way LaDonna won't have to deal with that. They will just be delivered to her door. I like it that way. I want to make everything that I can go easy for her.

I got an email and a phone call from Cindy in my RE's office. Cindy will be handling our case. Anyhoo, she said that they had received all of LaDonna's medical records and reviewed them. The doctor was very pleased with what she saw and has given the thumbs up for the testing to begin. It looks like LaDonna will be going through a mock cycle after her next period starts. Also, the best news possible.....we thought that LaDonna had to wait until July before we could do an embryo transfer......The doctor has said that if the mock cycle and other tests come back ok, we could be looking at a May transfer. OMG!!!! That will be 2 whole months ahead of schedule. This is so freaking fabulous that I am giddy!!!!! I need to go call my parents and tell them.

Well, my OB/GYN had bad news and worse news today. I went in for the test results from my annual exam. He still thinks I need an uterine ablation. The worse news is not only do I have 2 uterine fibroids and adenymosis, but I also have cysts on both ovaries (left side is enlarged with no follicles and right is enlarged with a complex cyst....whatever that is), slight anemia, and an under active thyroid. He wants me to follow up with my GP and get on thyroid meds and iron pills. That may help with the cysts or those may resolve on their own. He wants to repeat the trans vaginal ultrasound in 5 weeks to see if there is any change in the ovaries and also do the ablation around the same time. That will be around the first part of April.

I just looked up the symptoms for hypothyroidism, and holy shit...I have all but one of them.

The ovarian cysts kinda figure too. For the last 2 months, right around the time I should be releasing an egg, I feel sharp ovary pains. Once, they were bad enough that I thought I got stabbed in the belly. If they don't resolve or get worse, I may be looking at more drastic surgery. I told him that I won't consider messing with them until after we have a successful surrogacy journey.....just in case. You know?!?

Any way it goes....my preggo days are definitely over. I will have to live vicariously through LaDonna now. I hope she doesn't mind me laying my head on her belly a lot when I visit. Heck, I'll probably go on road trips just to rub her tummy.

Sigh........life really knows how to throw some hellish curve balls.

We had to leave the copies of the contracts with LaDonna and David because we couldn't get a notary to be there to witness the signing. They took them all the next day to have their signatures witnessed and mailed them back to me. Marc and I got them in the mail yesterday. We had a notary scheduled to come to the house tonight to get our signatures witnessed. Woo hoo!!!! Contracts are complete!

I will get the copies out in the mail to LaDonna and her attorney tomorrow and I will hand deliver copies to my attorney and to the reproductive endocrinologist (RE). The RE said they need a copy of it at their office before they will work with LaDonna as our gestational surrogate. This is a major step in the process. Now, we can get started on the required medical testing and then the embryo transfer in July. It seems like time is starting to fly by.

The drive up was beautiful! The weather was just perfect. Blue skies, cool breezes, and light traffic. The only rough spot we had was Derek getting a little car sick around lunch time. Once we got into OKC, we went straight to our hotel to check in. LaDonna and David were coming to meet us there so we could all go out to dinner. We ended up going to Shorty Small's. When we got to the door, they said there was about an hour wait. Well, it was time for Derek to eat right then, and it wouldn't be a good idea to keep a 3 yr old waiting. So, Marc took him back to the hotel to feed him dinner while the rest of us waited for a table. I swear it was only 15 minutes after Marc left that they seated us. Geez! Can you say nobody can tell time?

As soon as we got to our table, I called Marc and told him what happened. He said to go on without him. He'd catch up with us after Derek was through. The hotel was only a couple of blocks down the street. (For those who don't know....Derek is very hard to feed. His cerebral palsy manifests in many different areas and swallowing things is one area that has issues. He doesn't like anything in his mouth. We think it is a texture issue.) Anyway, we all ate our dinners and when the desserts came, Marc still hadn't shown up. I called him again and he said he was just finishing up and for us to pick him up at the hotel. For the record, he is an amazing man and I love him dearly.

After we picked him up, we followed LaDonna and David over to their house. It is such a cute house. I love how it feels so comfortable. There are lots of family photos and I love the colors on the walls. David is a very talented artist. He has decorated several of the rooms. We stayed there visiting for a couple more hours. I was very impressed that James (my oldest) came out of his shell a lot and talked with everyone. Marc and David seemed to get along real well too. It was a fabulous visit.

I wished we could have stayed longer. Maybe the next trip up will be for a couple of days.

We are heading up to OKC February 17th! I have talked with the lawyer and she thinks everything looks great. Can you believe it?? A good and complete contract in one attempt. I only need to add to it our personal info like addresses and emergency contact stuff. To make it easy for everyone, I am going to print it out and take all the copies with me to Oklahoma when we go to visit LaDonna and David. That way, we can all be there to sign the contracts and then drop the extra lawyer copies off in the mail to the suits. The hard part will be done. Well, not really....the true hard part will still be many months away.

I think having email is amazing. I received in my inbox today an electronic copy of our gestational surrogacy contracts. There is a lot of stuff in this thing. I think it is 2o+ pages long. All the ins and outs seem to be covered. LaDonna and I have been talking for months through email and learning what each other likes or doesn't like. So, our negotiations are pretty much done already. She hasn't asked for anything that I don't agree with. She is just amazing.

This should be smooth sailing. I am going to take a copy of it over to my attorney's office next week to have a sit down with her. I want to make sure that since it was written by an attorney in Oklahoma, it meets Texas laws too. I don't want there to be any hiccups later because we didn't follow the law.

Our trip up to Oklahoma has to be put off for a bit. Seems like the weather man is against us traveling right now. There are all sorts of ice storms going on between Dallas and OKC. Sigh....I was really looking forward to going up for a visit. I want Marc and my boys to meet LaDonna and her hubby David.

For now we will have to reschedule the trip for another time. Maybe in February.

I talked with my Angel about putting her picture and name on here and she told me yes. So, I would like to introduce you to my beautiful angel....LaDonna.
 

travel time

We, Marc and I (and the boys), are planning to go to visit with her and her family in a couple of weeks. I am really looking forward to this visit. She lives about 7 hours away from us, but I don't mind the drive at all.

Since we will have to wait for 6 months after the birth of her surro-daughter in December 2006 to start trying to get her pregnant, we will have lots of time to get to know each other. I really like having this time with her. I believe it will bring us closer together. I truly want to look to her as my sister. She is joining our family and we welcome her and hers with open arms.

I almost feel sorry for her. hehehe My parents are a little bit on the nutty side and I know they will welcome her into their home as well. My mom and dad already ask me a lot about how things are going and when will we get started. Maybe this spring, if LaDonna wants to, she and her family can come down for a visit and meet her extra Mom and Dad.

Back in June 2003 and with the help of our reproductive endocrinologist, Marc and I have 8 embryos that were frozen. When we tried to get pregnant to have Derek, we used in-vitro fertilization. Derek was one of 10 embryos that were successful. The doctor transferred 2 of those embryos into me. The result of which was Derek. The remaining were tucked away for safe keeping.

I have talked with their lab several times. The lab specialist tells me that there is an 80% chance of revival for frozen embryos. They have frozen our embryos in little vials, a comfy 2 per vial. We will try thawing and reviving 2 vials for the first attempt in July 2007.

With that 80% chance of revival, it is possible that 3 of those 4 embryos will make it back to viability. They will then watch them for a day to make sure they will be okay. If at that point all 3 remaining are good for implantation, they will pick the best looking 2 and re-freeze the third one for a later attempt.

We are choosing this route because I would never think to endanger my surrogate's life with the chance of intentional triplets. Most successful pregnancies by this process use 2 embryos and the end result is one baby. By saving that third embryo, we could have a chance of giving him/her life at a later date.

Since we have these 8 embryos waiting, we will be able, by the odds, to have 3 attempts at getting her pregnant. It has been a large worry for me over the past couple of years, knowing that we have those embryos waiting...... I don't think that I can go through another cycle myself to harvest more eggs to make more embryos. It will be hard enough with the ones we have now if the first attempt is successful. I do hope that all this come to fruition on the first attempt. It just means that I will start again to save the money for the lawyers, doctors, etc. to give the other embryos a chance to grow.

 

I have started this journal to update people on my journey into being a mother again through gestational surrogacy.

You see, I have had a very difficult time with all my pregnancies. I have been pregnant 8 times. I have my 2 boys who were both very premature. I lost 5 babies before James. I lost one baby after James and I lost Derek's twin. The doctors believe that these loses were from a genetic condition called MTHFR (methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase). It basically means I don't process B vitamins which are vital to growing babies and my blood gets very thick during pregnancies. So thick in fact, they believe that I clotted off in the placenta several times.

Also, I have had 6 back surgeries because of a vehicle wreck. My body just is not in any shape to carry a child. I have been lucky enough to find a wonderful woman who lives in Oklahoma who wants to carry a child for me. I will have to ask her for her permission to include her name and photos on here, so for now you will know her as my Angel.

The doctors will use my eggs and my husband's sperm to create a "test tube" baby, but will put this baby into her uterus instead of mine. She will be my child's pre-birth nanny for the duration of the pregnancy and will be known as his/her Aunt Angel for the rest of his/her life.